Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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