Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
