I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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