So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have started to decorate penises.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
