when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
