My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
