Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
