I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
