Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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