Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
