We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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