so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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