So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
