Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
