he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
