I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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