The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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