i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
