I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
