You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
