Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
