you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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