I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
