She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
