Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
