I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
