The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
