i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When are your genitals available?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
