I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
