is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
