Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
