we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
