woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
