I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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