i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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