He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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