I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
