Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just gargled with NyQuil
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
