just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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