One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
