I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
