He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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