there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
