isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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