butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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