That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
