Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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