Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
