she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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