she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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