How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
