Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
